Bad ADHD Advice: Things You Should Never Say to Someone with ADHD
When it comes to ADHD, well-meaning advice can often do more harm than good. ADHD is a complex neurological condition, not a matter of laziness, lack of discipline, or simply needing to “try harder.” Misunderstandings about ADHD lead to advice that, while perhaps offered with good intentions, misses the mark entirely.
Here’s some ADHD “advice” you should never say to a child or adult with ADHD—and why they’re unhelpful.
1. “You just need to focus more.”
This advice oversimplifies the reality of ADHD. Telling someone with ADHD to “focus” is like telling a nearsighted person to “just see better.” ADHD brains are wired differently, often struggling with attention, emotion regulation, motivation, and other areas—not a lack of effort.
What someone with ADHD needs is help building strategies for improving focus—not a dismissal of their real neurological differences.
2. “Everyone gets distracted. It’s normal.”
Yes, everyone experiences distractions. But ADHD isn’t just about occasional distractions—it’s about a persistent struggle to regulate attention and behavior. This phrasing minimizes the challenges that people with ADHD face daily and implies their struggles are exaggerated or imagined. ADHD is a medical condition with specific cognitive impacts, not just “normal” distraction.
3. “Why can’t you be more organized?”
This phrase is a double-edged sword: not only does it shame the individual for struggling with a core symptom of ADHD, but it also fails to acknowledge the very real executive functioning challenges that come with the condition. Organization skills don’t come naturally to ADHD brains; they require specific strategies and often external support to develop.
4. “You’ll grow out of it.”
ADHD is not something you grow out of. While symptoms can evolve, ADHD often persists into adulthood. Children with ADHD grow into adults with ADHD, and while some may learn better coping mechanisms, the underlying neurological traits remain. Telling a child or adult with ADHD that it’s something they’ll simply outgrow dismisses their lifelong experience and downplays the need for ongoing support and targeted intervention to reduce the struggle.
5. “Stop using ADHD as an excuse.”
For those with ADHD, this is one of the most harmful phrases to hear. It suggests that ADHD is a convenient excuse for bad behavior or poor performance, rather than a legitimate condition that affects brain function.
People with ADHD often feel shame or frustration over their struggles, and implying they are exaggerating or faking their difficulties only adds to that burden. ADHD is not an excuse; it’s a reason for the challenges they face—and it requires appropriate understanding and empathy, not judgment.
6. “You don’t look like you have ADHD.”
There’s no specific “look” for ADHD, which can present in a variety of ways, from inattentiveness to hyperactivity. This kind of comment reduces ADHD to a stereotype, often ignoring subtler forms of the condition that might be less visible but just as disruptive. Many people with ADHD, especially girls and adults, are often misdiagnosed or underdiagnosed because they don’t fit the typical image of someone with the condition.
ADHD Advice Based in Science
ADHD is not a behavioral problem; it’s a brain-based condition. The next time you find yourself offering advice, pause and consider whether your words will help or harm. Instead of dismissing the very real challenges people with ADHD face, support them with understanding, patience, and helpful strategies.
If you want to learn more about how to work with the ADHD brain rather than fighting against it, check out Dr. Amy Moore’s video workshop on “Hacking the ADHD Brain”. Dr. Moore, a cognitive psychologist, offers practical, science-backed strategies to help children and adults with ADHD succeed and thrive:
