Improve Your Child’s Self-Esteem in the New School Year

Raising confident kids is important in the world we live in. Your child’s self-esteem is going to be tested at every turn, from the first day of school to scrolling their Instagram feeds. If you can start out the school year with intentions to build up your child’s confidence and self-esteem, they will be more likely to stand up for what they need and become powerful self-advocates.

This is not cockiness or aggressive confidence; instead, a high view of self can help your child know that they CAN do great things, that they SHOULD be proud of their effort, and that no matter what happens, they are loved and valued. Kids with healthy self-esteem often have better mental health, resilience, and an ability to stand up to peer pressure.

So as the new school year creeps in and you and your child are dealing with all the “new” things they are going to have to face, here are some ways to help grow your child’s self-esteem:

Model It

Your kids are watching how you talk about yourself and the people around you. Modeling self-acceptance and kindness will help them see that all people have value—including themselves.

Here are some practical ways this can look:

• Family Affirmations. Start or end each day with affirmations of love and the things your family values. This will set the tone for your family culture in a way that is predictable and sure for your child.
• Avoid negative body-image talk. If your child hears you talking about the way you (or someone else) looks or dresses, they will internalize these thoughts about themselves. Focus on character, inherent beauty regardless of appearance, and the things that really matter.
• Celebrate efforts (and sometimes failures). Own up to your kids when you make a mistake and show them how you are learning from it. This is a critical life skill that our kids need to see to know how to apply it in their own lives!

Value Time with Your Kids

If your child feels like you are intentionally seeking out spending time with them, your child’s self-esteem will naturally grow. They will feel loved, valued, and interesting in a way that they wouldn’t feel otherwise!

This can look like:

• Setting aside one-on-one time with each kid every week to do something that they choose
• Showing interest in their current hobby and validating the energy they spend on it
• Getting down on the floor and playing with your younger kids. Entering into their space will help them feel more confident!

Balance Self-Esteem with Responsibility and Empathy

As one source puts it, “Self-esteem grows when kids get to see that what they do matters to others.”

Getting your child to learn to love helping, giving, and being kind will grow their self-esteem in balance with other positive character qualities that we want our children to embody.

• Give them chores and responsibilities that are actually important for the daily functioning of your family
• Help them see needs and meet them, whether in your family, their class, their sports teams, or your community
• Teach kindness and empathy so they can see the value of helping others feel valued and loved

Treat Failures as Learning Experiences

If you consistently come down hard on your kids for the things they don’t do well, they will learn that failure is not safe in your family. Instead, treat these experiences as an opportunity to learn and grow!

This starts with you as the parent. If you constantly beat yourself up about the things you mess up, your child will see that as the “normal” pattern for your family. Instead, intentionally communicate to your child where you messed up and what you’ll do differently. When your child messes up, model and encourage this same pattern in them!

Praise Effort Instead of Outcomes

This is related, but worth stating on its own. If you praise your child consistently for their high performance, what does that tell them about their self-worth when they inevitably fail?

Instead, focus your praise on the effort they put into that goal. That way, next time when they do mess up, you’ll still be able to consistently praise the effort and learn from the experience together. 

Your child’s self-esteem is going to be stronger if it’s based on what they CAN control (their effort), instead of what they can’t always predict (the outcomes).

Let Them Show Off What They’re Proud Of

Don’t squirrel away their cool artwork, lego constructions, drum solos, or skateboard tricks. Be proud of them so they can be proud of themselves! Having their “thing” that they are comfortable with will become their safe space to retreat to when other areas of life feel hard.

When you talk about your kids, focus on their strengths and encourage them to do the same!

Limit Social Media Usage

Social media is taking its toll on our kids. Limiting their access or the amount of time they spend scrolling can save their mental health and self-esteem, especially for pre-teen and teen girls.

Yes, there is value in connecting and learning new things. But as a family, you need to weigh if it’s worth the risks of comparison, bullying, and self-image impacts.

If your child’s self-esteem is low and their confidence is tanked, there could be some other underlying issues going on.

School is hard. There are lots of dynamics to deal with on top of learning new content. If your child dreads school each day, struggles to read, is behind in more than one class, or just feels like they just can’t keep up, it could be because they have some weak cognitive skills holding them back.

Cognitive skills impact EVERY area of life, from learning to read to managing peer relationships. If your child is nervous starting this school year and you just want to give them a boost to be able to stand up for themselves and feel proud of their own abilities, give us a call!

While confidence is hard to measure on paper, virtually every client who leaves LearningRx reports a greater confidence, self-esteem, self-advocacy, or something similar. These real-life changes impact more than just school… They are life-changing!